The weight of secrets
by Tris Pond
Summary: Chat tried really hard to not be mad at Ladybug. But it was very difficult, with her withholding all theses secrets from him. He didn't understand why she didn't trust him.


Note: Set at Syren episode.

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Chat tried really hard to not be mad at Ladybug. But it was very difficult, with her withholding all theses secrets from him.

The truth was that she was the only person he trusted with absolutely everything. At home, he had no one he could talk to (he didn't even remember when the last time was that Gabriel had asked him how he was), Nino mostly kept his secrets, yet sometimes he would say something to Alya that he shouldn't, and his other friends just weren't close enough to him to talk about real stuff. Ladybug was different, somehow, he trusted her with his life every single time they fought together. It was strange really, how the only person he even didn't know the name of was the only one he thought he could count on.

He hated the fact that he didn't know who she was under the mask, but he could understand her. It would really be easy to find her if they talked with each in their normal life. He would never want to put her at risk, so he accepted that. But he couldn't accept the fact that she knew the identity of Rena Rouge, it was so contradictory – how could him knowing her identify put her in danger, but not her knowing Rena's? – he got the feeling that she didn't trust him. She never opened up to him, even though he had tried so hard; she was always trying to distance herself.

But hadn't he done everything to prove himself? He never left Paris to deal with the Akumas alone, in every single attack he had done everything he could to stop it. He had helped the citizens, tried to figure out who Hawk Moth was. Chat had thrown himself into the bus to protect Ladybug. He couldn't understand why she wouldn't trust him, feel like he wasn't enough. It was one thing to not reply to his pickup line, but she was endangering the whole of Paris by shutting him out.

Deep down, he was hurt that she didn't trust him as he did. Weren't they at least partners? Why did she think so little of him that she knew he'd mess up? Why hadn't she fought to defend him, to make whatever was stopping her from being honest go away?

She said it wasn't easy for her not say anything, like she was receiving orders from someone. Funny, he couldn't imagine her being bossed around by anyone. She was too stubborn and fierce to listen to people, most of the time. But maybe he was wrong and she just didn't listen to him, because she thought that he wasn't worth it.

Aside from that, if he was being completely honest, he also didn't like the presence of Rena Rouge. Yes, she was quite valuable in a fight, but he didn't trust her and she had showed up out of blue. She messed up the dynamic that he already built with Ladybug. It was strange to fight in a trio, instead of a couple. They couldn't coordinate, she couldn't understand what he needed the way his lady did. He could trust Rena, just not now. He still had to get to know her better.

Her mere presence brought a lot of questions, like who gave her power, how many more miraculous there were and how she knew Ladybug. It was very likely that she knew Ladybug in her personal life, even if she probably didn't know that. Adrien could bet that only Ladybug knew the true identity of one of them and how fair was that? He was curious by nature and to be faced with this whole bunch of questions and being unable to get some answers was very hard. Sometimes, during a fight, his mind would go to those questions and his lost focus costed him deeply.

In his mind, all of those problems could be avoided if Ladybug only told him the truth. If she only had enough faith in him to talk for only a second, things would be so much better.

He tried to suppress his feelings, knowing that soon enough he would be called again and needed to be whole to be useful to defeat the Akuma, yet he couldn't control himself anymore. That's why he had started to complain, with just Plagg to listen.

He hadn't planned to threaten Plagg to tell him the truth; he was just so tired of keeping so many secrets and to still be left in the dark. Why couldn't anyone just be honest? Was it too much to ask in this world?

Adrien was done. He didn't want to have anything to do with it anymore, he didn't want to keep imagining what should to make him trustworthy beyond already risking his life, didn't want to feel that he cared more about Ladybug that she did about him. He was tired of giving everything and gaining nothing in return.

He was happy that Plagg wanted him to stay as Chat Noir, but he was not sure he was willing to pay the price. Was this half-life really worth it? Other peoples could do the job, nobody would know, not even his lady… He wondered if she would notice that it wasn't him anymore and would feel bad. It would be so sad to know that somebody out there was doing his old job together with her; however, he could survive it. He thought.

Before he could actually do anything, though, the same man that had given his powers appeared and trusted him, making his demons go away, at least for now. It wasn't enough to make him forget that Ladybug had actively been keeping secrets from him too or the fact that this guy had only come around now to see him, even though he obviously was already in touch with Ladybug. But it was enough to make him go fight and put in the back of his mind all of these thoughts. There would plenty of time to think when he got home.

Adrien doesn't really know what would he choose – to listen to Plagg or give up – but somehow he is glad that he would never know.


End file.
